4 Surefire Listening Strategies to Improve Your Relationships

4 Surefire Listening Strategies to Improve Your Relationships

Envision a world where your conversations flow seamlessly, where misunderstandings are avoided, and where your communication skills create strong and lasting relationships. Intrigued? 

I have great news: it’s possible! As a certified life coach and hypnotherapist, I’ve been walking alongside clients for a long time, and I’ve refined specific strategies which can help you be more successful and happier—both personally and professionally. Surprisingly, one of the best ways to transform our relationships is to apply key insights gained through couples’ therapy. 

In another post, I will dive into effective strategies for getting your message across, even the difficult ones that most of us don’t want to hear. But for now, let’s start with a few tips I personally offer my relationship coaching clients, designed to facilitate smooth communication and ensure a warm reception of your message.

Strategy #1: Just Listen

Although it may seem counterintuitive, we need to begin by focusing on the power of listening.

When we listen, we deepen relationships. When we listen, we build trust. Active listening may appear deceptively simple, yet it's an area where many of us can refine our skills. Often, we find ourselves listening with the intent to reply rather than truly comprehend. 

It's crucial to recognize that effective listening isn't about momentarily setting aside your own agenda or striving to be captivating. It's about cultivating genuine interest in the other person.

In most cases, the speaker yearns for understanding. Oftentimes, your audience isn’t particularly interested in your immediate response. Their primary desire is to feel valued and heard, knowing that you genuinely care about their thoughts, experiences, and emotions.

Strategy #2: Improve Your Listening Skills

Here’s my second tip for improving your communication style: make eye contact. This is a sign that you are being present. The eyes are the window to the soul, and keeping the appropriate eye contact level creates trust and a deeper bond. 

Lean in and appear interested, nod your head, don’t interrupt, and ask open-ended questions if you need help understanding. Facial expressions like raising your eyebrows tell the speaker that you want to hear more. Pairing that expression with the simple phrase "Tell me more" is very effective for uncovering the whole story (when you’re ready to delve deeper). 

Would you like to improve your listening skills at a Facebook Live Q&A? I would love to have you join me every 2nd and 4th Saturday at 11 AM MST. Bring your questions and curiosity! I welcome all sorts of topics and scenarios. Be prepared to encounter transformational personal growth techniques!

 Strategy #3: Beware of Distraction 

Refrain from any other distractions. One key distraction is cell phones. Something changes when we have our phones out and creates a communication barrier. Simon Sinek demonstrated this quite well during one of his talks. He asked someone from the audience for their phone and he just held it. Something changed. It wasn’t even his own phone, yet it created the feeling of distance. Keeping phones out of our visual field will help facilitate focused communication.

Distraction can feel like a betrayal. It creates a lack of safety and trust in the relationship. The last thing you want is your audience thinking something like, “​​If I cannot rely on your attentiveness while I'm with you, I can envision how scarce your focus will be in my absence." All strong and successful relationships are built on trust. Subconsciously, we want to know: Will you listen to me? Will you be there for me? Can I trust you to keep a secret?

Avoiding physical distractions and obstacles can help us to connect on another level emotionally. Staying focused on the other person allows you to feel what they are feeling by entering their inner world. Emotional attunement is critical in all relationships but is particularly essential within intimate partnerships.

Strategy #4: Validation—Your Simple Superpower 

Do you want to know the real secret to creating a foundation of trust? Validation. Validate the other person. This doesn't mean that you implicitly agree with his or her point of view. You are simply acknowledging the situation or point of view. Whatever you do, don’t underestimate the power of affirming your audience! 

When we hear or receive validation, it sinks into our core. Validation is powerful in a therapeutic situation. A third party can offer validation and it is almost as powerful as if it came from the person that created the trauma. In the end, remember your words' unique ability to bring healing.  

Here are some examples of validating expressions:

“You’re making total sense.”

“That must have been hard.”

 “That sounds frustrating.”

Simple expressions hold the power to foster a profound understanding and nurture stronger connections in our relationships.

Listening. Eye contact. Eliminating distractions. Validation. 

All of these techniques hold the profound potential to foster more robust connections within our relationships. It's the simple yet genuine expressions of interest that serve as the keys to unlocking deeper understanding. Always bear in mind that within your words, whether spoken or written, resides the remarkable potential for healing and strengthening connections. Are you ready to learn more about how you can strengthen your relationships? Send me a note—I’d love to hear from you! 

P.S. Don’t forget to mark your calendars for my bi-monthly Facebook Live event (every 2nd and 4th Saturday at 11 AM MST) where I will answer your questions and do a deep dive into how you can achieve a thriving, balanced life.