Back-to-School Stress
Back-to-School Stress
As Lauren rolls up to the first driveline of the year to drop her young elementary-aged kids off, she’s a ball of anxiety. Deep down, she’s excited about finally having a little peace and quiet in the house, but she feels guilty about sending them back to school at the same time. They haven’t done many of the fun activities she planned when she was feeling optimistic about the summer months. They’d watched too much TV, and slept in too often instead of enjoying the cooler mornings. They should have been spending all of those precious moments doing things together and making memories. ”You only get 18 summers!” the mommy bloggers warn in her head. Is she a bad mom for sending them to school? Should she be homeschooling like her neighbor? The very thought brings a wave of stress. What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she love her kids?
Hannah stares at the computer screen and sighs heavily. Two kids in high school, and one in junior high. Everyone says this is such a great time of life, but they must make more money than she does. Orchestra fees, engineering class fees, sports uniforms, device protection fees (times three!) and AP test fees add up to a number higher than her car payments. Because three teenagers mean there’s multiples of that, too. Some of the kids had jobs this summer to cover their extras, but with school starting again, there won’t be time for that anymore, and the weekly activities and school fundraisers will be ramping up again. At least two of her kids are excited to start the year, but they’d felt more worried about social acceptance until they’d spent several hundred on a few new outfits, shoes, and backpacks. It would be easier to be happy about it if the third child was also happy, but she struggled with friends and drama the year before, and Hannah wasn’t looking forward to a repeat of that, or of the homework struggles to help her son pass his classes. That had been a nightmare. If she could pick up extra shifts it would be easier, but the three sports schedules mean she’ll probably have to take extra time off instead to go to at least some of their games. She already feels like she’s drowning and the school year is just starting.
August means “Back to School” for many families. If this is you, is there excitement or anxiety in your house as you step back into the school schedule? If you said “yes” to that question, you’re not alone!
Some parents say they love having their kids home all summer and can’t bear for them to go back, while others are counting down the days—and most of us are a mix of those two. It’s nice to have more time with them, to have a more flexible schedule, and to have some calmer months to soak up the sun. But having kids home all the time and trying to find good options to keep them occupied can come with its own stress and guilt. There’s no “right way” to feel about school starting up, so give yourself some grace, and figure out what you can do to ease some of these complicated feelings!
Many parents feel like Lauren and Hannah, and feel stressed about the finances involved and about getting less time with their kids. Some aren’t ready to drown in the schedule again, having to deal with all the early mornings, sports practices, concerts, and last minute “I need a poster board and a very specific kind of folder tonight” announcements. Others have felt rudderless with the lack of schedule for their kids, and have struggled to get them out of bed before noon or keep them off electronics constantly, so school starting is more welcome. All of them want the best for their children. They want them to have good friends, learn things that will help them be successful in life, and maybe ask someone else the 417 questions for a change. They want them to be healthy and safe, both emotionally and physically. Parents want their kids to be happy and whole, and it’s hard to know if that’s going to happen with each new school year. It’s all very complicated and can prompt lots of mixed feelings.
Every individual and family situation is unique, but being aware that this is one of those smaller transitional periods in life, and managing it as one, can help. To manage this stress, parents can:
Plan and Organize: As activity and school calendars are being posted, get all of your ducks in a row. Make lists and create a schedule to keep track of important dates and deadlines. Get your child involved in keeping track of their events and dates!
Communicate: Talk with children about their expectations and concerns, and maintain open communication with teachers and school staff.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that it's normal for both parents and children to experience some stress and setbacks. Setting realistic goals can help reduce pressure.
Prioritize Self-Care: Parents should take care of their own physical and mental health to better support their children.
Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, and community resources for help and advice. If you have a specific concern, or something you’d like to avoid this year, reach out to your children’s teachers and see if you can get to know each other and be on the same page. Try to work together as a team for the best outcome!
Focus on Positives: Highlight and celebrate positive aspects of the new school year, such as new learning opportunities and friendships.
It can feel a little overwhelming, but if you tackle the hard parts head-on, you can avoid some of the stress and anxiety, and feel a little less helpless or out-of-control. Yes, there are going to be hard things during this coming year, but your kids will also grow and move forward and learn all kinds of interesting things. If you can be excited for them, it will help influence their view of the upcoming school year.
Watch for the next blog for some extra focus on teens, and how parents and kids can work together to make the school year a positive experience!
If you need a little extra support or feel like your family would benefit from outside help as you navigate what’s going on right now, please reach out and we’ll schedule a time to talk!